Remember that rebuilding yourself after a loss takes self-compassion and patience, so view this as a journey and not a destination.
When you’ve invested so much energy and have put so much effort in a marriage, to untangle the life you’ve built with your partner, and rebuild yourself after a divorce might feel like the end of the world. That’s a valid feeling, but please know that happiness is waiting for you on the other side of what might feel like the end of the world as you know it. Here are a few suggestions to help you rebuild after a divorce:
A divorce is like a death, it’s the death of your illusions, your hopes and dreams and future plans. Grieving is circular, not linear. People experience grief differently, there is no right way to do it, or a set time frame for this process. What you can be sure of is that you will feel different things, different days, and you need to allow yourself to feel that and then start over and do it over again until you begin to heal.
I can’t stress this enough, journaling will change your life around for the better. You don’t need to be a writer to write. Keeping a daily or weekly account of your days in a journal, especially during this process, will help you stay aware and connected to the wave of emotions you’re experiencing. Many feelings will be happening simultaneously and jotting them down is a start to releasing them.
Bottling feelings up is never a good thing to do. Talk to someone, whether a friend, family or professional. Allowing yourself to share what’s happening inside of you will help ground you. Finding a support system during this time is important because even though you’re the one experiencing this transition, you don't have to be the one to figure it all out on your own.
A divorce has the power to strip us of our self worth and create feelings of self-rejection. You begin to wonder what you did wrong, or what you could’ve done differently. Reconnecting with your hobbies, activities and passions is a great way to get to know your awesome self all over again and begin to heal.
Change is scary especially when thrust at us. Self initiated change can be more manageable. After a divorce, especially if not initiated by you, can leave you raw, vulnerable and lost. Starting something new may help you rediscover and reset yourself. You can start small. Get a haircut or rearrange your furniture, as long as it’s something you do for you to create a positive change in your life.
This is a tricky time because you might be tempted to isolate yourself as you process this major change in your life, but being around people can be a healthy distraction as long as you’re also spending quality time with yourself. Giving yourself some quiet time to reflect and ask yourself the hard questions you might want to avoid is ultimately what will help you properly heal your wounds.
Rebuilding yourself after a major life crisis is no easy task. Make sure to reward yourself in the process by doing things that lighten your soul, this could look like buying yourself an item you really want, taking a walk in your favorite park, or eating your favorite food (comfort food is accepted!)
Above all, remember that rebuilding yourself after a loss takes self-compassion and patience, so view this as a journey and not a destination. You are always evolving and worthy of the life and love you desire.