In Spanish, there is a saying, “dime con quien andas, y te diré quien eres.” This essentially translates to “tell me who you hang out with, and I can tell who you are.”

The ability to carefully choose the people that enter your life comes with age, maturity and self-awareness. When we are young, we tend to gravitate towards what we know and what feels familiar, to people who are like us or have similar backgrounds or to what we don’t know and find alluring. Many of the relationships we encounter when we’re young are our attempt at discovering the world around us. It’s a form of Self exploration and a discovery of where we fit in, or not, with others. As we grow and become more self-aware, this becomes more of an intentional act.

Knowing how to surround yourself with people who add value to your life is an important life skill, and one that can be developed. Here’s how:

Know thyself! What are your values? What’s important to you at this time in your life? What inspires you? What encourages you? By asking and answering these questions, you can begin distinguishing the people that surround you, and you can start the process of attracting people that truly align with You.

Embrace “Letting Go” The willingness to evaluate the people you have allowed into your life can be challenging, especially if you are a people pleaser. You work hard at not offending others and conflict is difficult for you, yet the recognition that you have choice in who you invite in and who you keep out is a very freeing one. Not everyone will fit us, nor will we fit  them. Learning how, who & when to let go of is the truest form of self-care.

Evaluate Yourself. Are you a motivator? Do you inspire others? Or do you complain and see the negative in situations first? Checking in with yourself to see if you are the kind of person you would want to hang out with can help you determine how to pivot towards optional thinking. This means you see various options to every situation, from the ridiculous to the realistic! It can help you attract people that you want in your life.

Positivity leads to authenticity. Surrounding yourself with people who choose to focus on the good helps to manage the not so good. Acknowledging that life throws curve balls at us helps us to become more flexible and adaptable. So that we can duck and dodge life’s hits and still move forward!