October 26, 2021
How to Develop Self-Trust

 Create the space and time to slow down, listen to your gut and allow that to help redirect your focus on YOU. It is not about perfection. It is about honoring yourself as you are… with all your glorious flaws! The more you practice these things, the more you will believe in them and the more you will learn to trust and love all the parts of you.

We develop self-trust by honoring all the parts that make us who we are, whether we approve or disapprove of those parts. In order to develop a path to self-trust, you must:

Honor your emotions.

All emotions are information for us. They are the mile markers on our path.

Develop mindfulness.

Use your 5 senses to be present.

Have a compassionate dialogue with yourself.

Becoming your BFF.

Honoring your emotions will allow you to become aware and able to listen to your internal voice.

That voice is often clouded with “white noise,” or the other sounds and voices from our external world. This includes our families, friends, and the society at large. Our family is usually our first social experiment therefore creating the background for our Internal Voice. If you are raised in a family that engages in open and loving communications, your voice may be clear and loving as well. If you are raised in a family that struggles with communication or where there is much conflict, your voice may become harsh and lack understanding. We are often taught to think and feel in dichotomies; good vs. bad, right vs. wrong, etc. This tends to restrict and contain.

Learning to tune into your internal voice in a loving and compassionate way takes practice. Regular and consistent practice to overcome the voices of others. Some tools that you can use to start this practice include journaling, using a feelings chart and mirror work. Learning to label your emotions can help you to distinguish situations which can help with self-judgement. These are simply tools, but the actual work lies in the hard questions you must ask yourself: What do you think? What do you want? What is important to you at this point in your life? How are you doing?

Become curious about what is happening inside your mind and heart instead of focusing on the external (the voices/opinions of others).

Developing mindfulness will allow you to continue to go inward.

Use your body as the main tool to redirect your focus. Doing a daily body scan by asking yourself: “What is my body saying to me today?” can help with this. Pain is usually our first consciousness. Learning to use the recognition of pain instead of fearing it can help you focus on the messages your body is giving you about your emotions. For example: If your shoulders hurt, you can ask yourself: What burden am I carrying? Is it truly mine to carry? Use your 5 senses to help guide your learning curve: What do I see, feel, touch, taste and smell? As you get clearer in hearing and listening (because these are 2 different processes) to your body’s messages, you will trust the messenger and learn to respond instead of react.

Having a compassionate dialogue with yourself matters.

As we are taught to listen to the “white noise” and the voices of others over our own, it can become confusing. The tendency to hear and listen to the negative can overwhelm us and become self-destructive.  How can you start this “new” relationship with yourself? Start with the basics. Spend quiet time with yourself. Quiet, slow breathing can redirect you from the busyness that often dominates our lives. Focus on and write down the many talents you have. We all have some! As you do this, use kindness as you would use with your friend or even a stranger. Go back in time. Remember how and who you played with as a child. What games did you play? Where did your imagination lead you? By looking at yourself from the outside in, you can begin to develop a more compassionate focus.

Create the space and time to slow down, listen to your gut and allow that to  help redirect your focus on YOU. It is not about perfection. It is about honoring yourself as you are… with all your glorious flaws! The more you practice these things, the more you will believe in them and the more you will learn to trust and love all the parts of you.



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